I believe that. I have always considered myself a high value woman. Meaning that if you want to date me, I am not one of your 31 flavors to choose from. That is just not how I operate.
Call me arrogant or whatever, but for a long time, due to my being co-dependent on being chosen by my ex spouse, I wanted someone to tell me that I was worth it and worth fighting for and I wanted to be chosen. I had to reprogram myself my thinking and remind myself of the kind of woman I am and what kind of man deserves me. That's right. DESERVES me.
I am starting to ask if they are worth it. I am flipping the question around. Just because you are attracted to someone or you might have a connection with them, does not mean that you should invest in a relationship with them. That I should give them any of my time, my mind, my heart, my passions, or any level of friendship.
Looking back on every detail of the past 14 years, I wanted so badly to hear from someone else that I was worth loving. That I wasn't too much for them. That they enjoyed being around me no matter what. I wanted verbal validation of my worth in another person's eyes. Check that. I wanted verbal validation from my spouse regarding my worth.
So when that didn't happen...when I was left feeling worthless because what I had fought so hard to maintain and hold on to slipped through my grasp, nearly all of my confidence and my esteem and how I viewed myself went straight to hell. I couldn't go a day for nearly an entire year without looking in the mirror and saying to myself "You aren't worthy".
Two years later, I have flipped the question. Why do we need someone else to validate us? Validate ourselves. I am a words of affirmation gal, no doubt. I do want to hear encouragement from someone I care about, especially if they say they care about me. However, I am starting to ask myself if they are worth it, for me. Do they actually deserve to have a woman like me in their life? There are plenty of people, men and women who are perfectly fine to meander through this life and giving themselves off to person after person and call it fun and enjoyable and dating. I despise superficial so that just does not sound like my cup of tea. I don't trust easily. I will ask you direct questions. I can be intrusive. People who have something to hide do not want women like me in their lives.
If I choose to invest in you. If I choose to give my time to you. If I choose to share my world with you, what I am passionate about. Heck, are you worth it for me to invite you around my friends, my family, my church community, my children? Do you deserve to be a part of that?
Ladies, stop self abandoning yourself because you want so badly to have someone to love. While I am not looking for marriage right now, I am also not really interested in just hopping from person to person in order to fill a void. I have too many things I want to accomplish in this life right now to be bogged down and worrying whether or not a guy likes me or thinks I am worth it. Hell yeah I am. And hell yeah, so are you. So turn the question on them.
Regularly. Ask yourself if they are worth it. This isn't a anti-dating or man hating post by any means. But far too often, I see women scrambling for love and connection with men who just frankly don't deserve you. They don't deserve you. If they need to date 10 women at one time to know what they want, let them. Just don't allow yourself to be one of their many options. That isn't a man, sis. Honestly, that shows insecurity to me. If they need new opportunities that badly, say bye. Seriously. You are worth so much more than to be someone's option.
Not every relationship you get in to will turn out to be long term or marriage. Disappointment is inevitable. Something you thought was great could just turn out to not work out. That is okay. Enjoy the ride and experience of caring and growing with another person, even if it is temporary. But do not sacrifice and give of yourself to someone who quite possibly has something to hide or is too scared to make a decision about you because they aren't sure what they want, but they still appear on all the dating apps. Please.
I am fortunate and happy right now. Life is good, so don't read into this post too deeply. It just bothers me so much when I see women on posts about relationships, crying out that there are NO good men out there, when there are plenty of good men out there. Stop settling. Just stop it.
Enjoy your own life. Go do whatever it is that you want to do. You are fabulous and beautiful and amazing. He has to deserve you. Not every man does. You have your own ideas, your own plans, your own dreams. If they want to be a part of it, then they have to be willing to show up and prove that they want to be a part of it. If you have to beg for them to show interest or care about you and what you are passionate about and it seems like they only care about one thing, chances are they really only care about one thing.
Cut them loose, girl. You deserve better than that. You look yourself in the mirror and you remind yourself of how valuable you are.
And when they tell you that you are worthy of ______, tell them that you know you are. Then ask them if they are worth it and if they deserve you. Chances are, you wouldn't ask them the question if you didn't think they were. I know that is the case for me. I wouldn't ask them so directly if I didn't believe they did or they were worth my time. You care about them, so it is of value to know where you stand in someone's heart. Stop being afraid to ask the confronting questions because you are afraid of the answer. The answer might suck. Let's be honest. That is just the truth.
Or it might not. You might be surprised by the type of conversation you have with this person in your life. They may surprise you and you may grow even closer. But you won't know unless you have those conversations.
You matter and you are worth it,