I was recently told that I was overwhelming and that I seriously needed to chill out. Before anyone starts getting fired up and start sharing words of encouragement in my defense (because you are all my people and you are the best!), this person wasn't wrong. Maybe they didn't need to say it the way they said it, and to be honest it was over text, so sometimes tones are hard to interpret, but they weren't wrong for sharing how they felt in terms of me and how I was treating them. I am the one who initiated the conversation and pressed for some type of response. Well, they gave me one! Ha!
I had shared recently that we need to be okay with sharing the things that need to be shared and not be afraid of the possible outcomes of those conversations that need to be had. It isn't just you and I with the issues and the topics that need to be addressed. Those that we need to have those conversations with need to feel safe enough to share what they feel as well. Even if the truth hurts our feelings a bit. Did hearing I was overwhelming hurt me? Of course it did! I wasn't expecting it to come from this person's mouth. I overstepped their boundary and I needed to hear it.
We all have things to work on and grow on. I have always known that I can be overwhelming, controlling, dramatic. I never leave well enough alone and because I hate having things in limbo or feeling out of control or blindsided in any way, I will press for answers or solutions or work to gain some sort of leverage so that I am not hurt. The problem is, that rarely works out for me. But I am a slow learner and I keep doing it any way. To all my fellow slow learners, I am there with ya! We will get through this together.
Here is what I also know about myself. Yes, I am all those things above. The behaviors and mannerisms that aren't so good will show up to remind me that I am a human being with big human faults. I have my own thorns in my garden that will prick myself and those around me. Pruning them and tending to them from time to time helps me to grow to become a better woman, friend, mother, sister, lover. But with that I also know that I am kind. I am loving. I am protective and fierce. I will walk through fire for the people I care about. If I let you in my circle, you are in for life, so long as you don't betray my trust.
I am not the most generous person, but I am the most supportive. You need an atta girl? I got you. Need a good kick in the pants to go make your dreams come true? I'm your girl. You need to tell that man who broke your heart that he is a douchebag and eviscerate him with your words in absolute dramatic fashion, but you are too chicken to do it? Pick me, I'll do it. haha!
You just need to share what is on your heart no matter what is going on? I am all ears. I will bring food and wine too. That usually makes it all better.
I have shared before that I am an eight on the Enneagram. Eights get kind of a bad rap because they are often mistaken for people who are really tough and strong and don't really care what others think of them, but deep down, we are really just big softies with big hearts. Our surface level strength that shows through just helps to protect our hearts from being wounded. I have had my heart broken many times over the last several years. I am not jaded, but I am a little more cautious. I appear strong, but I am really not.
My final thoughts are this: yes, I am all of the negative things listed above. I am all of the positive things listed above. I can love everything about who I am and how God created me while also working on the parts of me that need pruning and tending. The people I choose to allow in my life and in my circle will love me, appreciate me, tell me the truth when I am being too much and it is causing harm to our relationship. I can embrace all parts of myself because I know I was created by a really good and loving God who will use every single misstep of mine for His glory, and redirect me and convict me when I go off in a direction that is not according to His will.
Like the quote above says: I am wild, difficult and impossible to forget. But, I am also a dreamer, best friend, caring, compassionate, loving, hopeful and faithful. That about sums up the recipe in the becoming of Tiffany Rhea.
Your turn. You are wild, difficult and impossible to forget.....but that is not all. Who are you? What makes up you?