Psalm 68:5-6 says this:
"A father to the fatherless, defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land."
Randomly, I found myself feeling extra lonely today. It shouldn't surprise me that I would feel this way, especially given the current climate of our world right now. Being placed in a forced stillness and realizing that you are on your own with certain decisions, while those around you have partners to navigate all of this with. I hate admitting that it is a little hard for me to deal with.
I don't have that currently. I am not putting that on anyone else or trying to make it seem like those who are sharing how their spouses are helping through them during this time. But it does trigger feelings in me. I am able to, fortunately, hide most of their posts in order to protect my emotional health. But I can't do it for everything and that does make it hard.
I do consider myself emotionally tough. I can overcome big emotions rather quickly and do the best I can to keep moving forward when the sadness tries to overwhelm me. I just refuse to say die, you know? I refuse to give in to darkness. Maybe part of that is because I hate losing and giving in feels like losing and giving up.
At the same time, God is allowing this time of forced slow down to have me recognize the condition of my heart so that I can keep moving toward Him instead of away from Him when the feelings rise up. Loneliness can be overwhelming and so isolating. It definitely has felt that way today.
Are you there today, sweet sister friend? Are you feeling lonely and exhausted and unsure of how to navigate these next few weeks? Because you may not have your person, or that person has made decisions to walk away from their family and you are left alone with decisions you never once thought you would have to make? I understand. I am so sorry. I wish you didn't have to go through this.
I want to encourage you. I know the person you once loved may have decided to stop pursuing you and your heart. He may have decided that you weren't worth the effort, or that he just couldn't give you his full heart and commitment anymore. Maybe they blame you for their change of heart, that you were too much, too little, too hard, too whatever. I am sorry that your heart is broken and you are so lonely. I am sorry that you may find yourself through the myriad of emotions that seem to rise and fall and ebb and flow with each passing day.
Please hold on, because I will tell you that the enemy would love nothing more than for you to move away from the love and compassion of our Savior and sit deep in your loneliness and isolate yourself. You can feel what you are feeling, they aren't wrong, and you can keep walking toward the promises of our God. Is it easy? No, but with each heartbroken step, loneliness will not win.
Right now as I type, the song Over and Over by Riley Clemmons is playing over my laptop. The bridge is what stops me:
"In every sunrise I find another reminder of how much You love me.
For all of this lifetime You'll never get tired of chasing my heart."
God will not stop chasing your heart. God will to stop wanting a relationship with you. No matter who may have told you that you were too much, too loud, too hard, too whatever. Man may says those things about us and they may decide to walk away because of it. They may decide that you are too unloveable and they will use it to justify their actions and reasons for leaving you behind.
But God......that is not who He is. Like the verse above states, He is the one who sets (fixes) the loneliness in families and He is there for us. He sees us and He will constantly remind us of His love for us. Just spend enough time in His word and see His love declared over you. In the morning when you rise, there He is.
We can cast all of our anxiety and heartache on Him because He cares for us. (1 Peter 5:7)
I pray that during our time where we are required to slow down, and you suddenly feel that ache in your heart and throat threatening your well-being and your faith, may God reveal Himself to you so that you see just how truly loved you are, no matter what anyone may have said or done to you.