What Would I Want It Said of Me?
Have you ever thought about what you would want said of you at your memorial service? Have you ever written out what kind of legacy you want to leave?
I don't ask this in order to be morbid. This most certainly isn't a cryptic post either, so there is no need to check on my well being (although you are more than welcome to say hello! I love new and old friends!)
I have been to two memorial services within a week of each other. Both of people I knew. Both relatively young. Each one had people who told their stories and shared their memories and remembered what they loved most about that individual.
When you attend memorial services of your friends, you start to think a little bit about what you would want said about you, should God call you home.
So I had been thinking.
My current story is in transition. It is on shaky ground, and I pray that there is more to this. More to my story. I have a lot I want to do and be a part of.
However, if I died today, what would I want it said of me?
I don't want people to pretend that I was perfect. Because I am not. I have a temper, and at times a fiery tongue, which can move with lightening speed and deadly accuracy when hurt or betrayed.
I am as stubborn as they come. I dream big and often irrational. I have no time for the small details, unless they become roadblocks (then suddenly...I care! ha!). I have no patience for snobby or rude people.
Stress and anxiety caused me to lose focus. I am emotional. I talk very loudly and I don't always mind my P's and Q's. One might say that I am disrespectful and maybe too honest/blunt. Or that my face constantly revealed what I was thinking because I forgot to put it on silent (oops.)
However, I also want it said that I really did love big. That I stayed even when I should have left. That I willingly gave 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th chances. And that I only walked away when it was necessary to. That I was loyal to a fault. And that sometimes, that loyalty cost me.
I want it said that everything I did was for family. I want it said that my kids mattered most to me. That I worried constantly over everything, and I was certain I was screwing up my kids and that they would need therapy for the rest of their lives.
I wondered if I played with them enough, told them I loved them enough, met their needs enough. Told them about Jesus enough.
I worried if I was enough.
I also want it said that I never gave up. That no matter what, I got up each day. I did what I had to do to protect and help my family.
I want it known that honesty and integrity meant the world to me.
I want it said that I reach my goal of empowering women everywhere to keep walking with her head held high, no matter how low she felt.
They don't need to hear about how many businesses I ran, or how much money I made, or if I became a successful "insert whatever career here".
I want it know that people came to know Jesus because I walked with God. I want it known that, even with the character flaws that God already knew about, He still used me for Kingdom and worked on my heart until I was called home.
I want my children to see, my family and friends to see that even through really hard things, we can still claim victory in Christ.
I want it known that I was a real person, with real flaws, who loved people and loved God, who desired justice and hope and goodness for those she knew and cared for. I want it known that in my stubbornness, I refused to give up. That sometimes the load was really heavy, but that I kept moving.
That God is good, even when life is not.
That faith is evident and real, even when it is hard to see and your vision is blurry. God isn't going anywhere. He is true and faithful.
That surrounding yourself with your tribe is vital. They can hold up your arms when the burden is hard.
And I also want it known that I had quite a talent for imitating Disney characters. I can do a mean Mickey Mouse. *just saying*
And Disney music better be playing....well, really any music. Anything we can dance to, people!
I am sure there is more. After all, I am not planning on dying anytime soon. I have too much living left to do.
Tell me, have you ever thought about what kind of story you want told at your memorial?