What Is This For?
I came home from a memorial service for a dear friend's baby brother with these words typed out in my phone.
"Instead of asking why, maybe we should ask what for."
It was the statement given by a grieving mother as she reflected on the memory of her youngest son. I lost it. I honestly don't know how she did it.
Honestly, the death of someone you love is probably the hardest time to have a switch in perspective. Grief comes at you in so many different forms, so I applaud those who have their wits about them and can see things from an eternal perspective, as opposed to the physical.
But holy cow, sister friend. It is hard.
When I first began to see that the relationship we had fought so hard was really unraveling, I asked a lot of why questions (and made a lot of "how dare he!" statements....just keeping it real.)
"Why am I going through this?"
"Why would this happen?"
"Why would God allow this?"
Get the picture? Do any of these sound familiar to you?
"Why did I lose my job?"
"Why is my child sick?"
"Why is my marriage failing?"
"Why is God allowing this to happen to me?"
Why. Why. Why.
Maybe we should be asking "What is this for?" What work is God doing through these hard seasons?
I so often want to intervene and make things right and clear. I hate having stones that haven't been turned over. I despise deceit and lies and betrayal. I don't like feeling manipulated. I certainly don't like not knowing about my future. I like to have things turn out, and I like to know how they will turn out.
Trusting an unknown future to a known God can be a struggle. #thestruggleisreal
However, I do believe He is good. I believe that He has my future planned out. In fact, it is already in motion. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, let alone six months from now.
God, whatever it is, please keep me from intervening. This process is so painful at times. One day I feel amazing. The next, I want to cry and get angry and maybe sign up for a boxing class. I need help seeing through your perspective, instead of my own, because my vision is rather blurry at the moment.
What is all this for? What good is coming from all of this? How will all of this impact the Kingdom and how will it be for your glory?
Help me to surrender all the unknowns running in my brain and heart at your feet, no matter how painful it may be.
Praying for my sister friends in the trenches.