My friend and I actually met a year ago. On Bumble to be exact.
Yes. A dating app. My best friend set up my account because I was too scared to create one. People who use dating apps are desperate….or so I ignorantly believed.
And I was not and never have been a desperate woman. I don’t need a man to feel fulfilled and to be happy.
But deep down, I really longed for a friend. A companion. Someone to chase down some dreams with. To laugh with.
And someone to make out with.
Just being honest. Ha!
Back to the beginning.
We had a few conversations. Mostly just texts between one another and a couple of telephone conversations. This was around June of 2020, when we had a small glimmer of hope that things would be opening up again. So we attempted to make plans to meet up and have a face to face conversation.
But, we could never make it work. He had his girls and I constantly had my kids and our days never lined up so we can meet one another. I was also starting to connect more with someone else, and i didn’t realize at the time, he was looking to pursue something with someone he was connecting with.
So one weekend, we had our final text, wished each other a great weekend, and that was it. We didn’t reach back out to each other. This was July 2020. I thought for sure, after reading his “Have a great weekend!” message, that I would never hear from that man again.
Fast forward to December 10, 2020. God brought his name to mind a few times, but I brushed it off. I didn’t want to be that person. But when I entered a new contact in my phone and it Turns out it had the same area code as his, and his name popped up, I decided to take a chance and just say hi.
So glad I did.
I won’t get into too much detail, because part of this is his story as well, regardless of what May happened for he and I long term. But it is no coincidence that he and I connected when we did. The timing a year ago was wrong. If I am being completely honest with you, I really wasn't ready a year ago.
I would make a lot of jokes and tell my friends that I was ready to meet a new man, have him take me out, wine and dine me and just have a really good time with no strings attached. That wasn't the truth, though. Deep down, I was still hurting. I was still trying to navigate how to be a single mom and survive. I would go out with other people, sure. I actually went out with a few people. And most of them were amazing men and a lot of fun to be around. But, I really wasn't ready for anything else other than my own self and meeting the needs of my family. That was all I had room for. I wasn't about to rush into something new, especially since I have two kids to think about and the thought of having a new relationship and even the idea of it being a possible long term relationship (I was not thinking about remarriage at all....not sure if I will ever really be ready for that again) terrified me. I thought of what that could possibly do to my kids and their hearts. I wasn't in need of or in search of a replacement dad for them. They have one, and they love him very much.
I believe that people tend to rush into things like relationships because they want something to hold onto in order to take away, or at the very least, minimize the pain they are feeling. I understand that, absolutely. Loneliness and hurt are very real emotions and it would be nice to have something good while experiencing pain.
That being said, it is okay to not have a relationship right when another one ends. You not being in one does not mean you will never have one. It is okay to not be ready. You don’t have to date multiple people in order to find love or fill a void. Because more than likely, it won’t fill the void.
If I had met my friend when we initially started communicating, whose to really say it would have actually worked out then?
I am grateful for the time I had on my own without having to have any type of relationship. Even still, I consider myself “single” because I am not forever attached to anyone. I am able to work on myself. Write more. Do the things that I have been dreaming and praying about. I have been able to make new friends. Make money in order to provide for myself and the kids. Go on some pretty fun trips. And more.
The freedom is what I am most grateful for. I took the time, and I trust the timing. Short term or long term, there is purpose in this. In my friendship with my friend. In what is happening right now in terms of my career. My passions. Even with parenting. Even as being a single woman.
The journey, though it can feel lonely at times, is incredibly exciting and worth walking through. I am enjoying every second of it, and I want so badly for those of you walking through this similar journey to enjoy the process and trust the timing and to not rush it. Unless it is an emergency, NO MAJOR LIFE decisions need to be made at this moment. You don’t have to find a new spouse or relationship today. Or that business idea. Or that whatever you are thinking of.
You got this. Walk through this. Enjoy the growth process through all of this. For those walking through divorce, embrace the messiness of it all as you grow and discover a new freedom. Things do have a way of coming around full circle. You start to get an idea of why they happened in the first place.
Trust the timing,