These last few weeks have been really exciting.
For those of you who have been following along and praying for me and my family, know that quite a few prayers have been answered lately.
The biggest one?
A place to live.
A space of my own to call home.
Home. For me and my babies.
Exhilarated. Elation. Relieved. Free. Hopeful. Those words don’t even begin to cut just how deep and real all of my feelings are.
I have been searching for a place to live since last year. Being a single parent and relying on yourself is no easy feat. The rules that are in place now are not meant for people like me.
But, it finally happened. My parents were absolutely willing to co-sign if they had to, but they knew deep down, I wanted this for myself.
I got my own place without the help of anybody else. On my own income. My own name. My own credit. This will be the first time that I will be on my own.
I was still living with my parents at age 23 when I got married. So, truly, this is the first time that I am on my own. If I fail, that’s on me. And me alone.
This transition to a whole new life has been quite the journey. I still have one more final step until I am 100% free, but, it is around the corner. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about all of this. I resisted it for so long, fighting for something that just didn’t want to be fought for.
Once I came to grips with the fact that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person who was supposed to love me forever, I took those shaky first steps. And oh, they were shaky. There were many tear-filled, sleepless nights.
Until one day, I stopped crying.
I started smiling. Embracing new. New friendships. New memories. New adventures. Ones that I got to create all on my own without having to wonder if someone else approved of them. I no longer needed permission.
I could post on my social media accounts whatever I wanted without being scolded for it. I remember having to feel like everything needed to be perfect. I remember walking on eggshells constantly, wondering if I was going to say things “correctly”.
I look back at those times, and I wonder how I was able to stay as long as I did.
But it doesn’t matter anymore. They are merely lessons now.
This transition to freedom has been the best lesson of all. I know what I want out of this life now. I am on the cusp of it all.
My smiles are much wider.
My eyes are clearer.
My heart is ready for a deeper and more real connection and love.
My skin looks better than it has in years.
So does my body.
The kids and I? We laugh. A ton. God really does make beauty from ashes. And we were in the midst of the rubble, trying to pick up the pieces as best as we could.
Now, we get a fresh start. The kids deserve it just as much as I do.
I am so glad I get to be the one to give that to them.
How amazing is our God?
Thank you all for praying and for being a part of this story. There is still more to tell.
You are always welcome here.