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Stop Living In Boxes That Don’t Fit.

Stop living in boxes that don’t fit you.

I spent many, many years living in spaces and trying to squeeze who I truly was into the cages others thought were meant for me.

Some of those spaces, people meant well. They wanted what was best for me, and they thought those would be a good fit. They weren’t, and honestly, it is on me that I chose to stay or say yes when I knew it wasn’t best for where I was headed or wanted to go.

The other spaces? Those were clearly not for my benefit but for someone else’s. There are those who truly don’t like me. They don’t like what I am about. They don’t like who I am. They were uncomfortable with who I truly was. Therefore, in order for me to be able to maintain a relationship with them, I needed to mold and conform myself to something that did not fit.

It was like squeezing into a dress that was too small for me after my body experienced physical changes.

Suffocating and eventually, the seams start to tear.

How about we all just stop trying to place ourselves in places we don’t fit.

Who on earth told you that you had to fit their idea of you, because who you really were made them uncomfortable?

If that is the case, those people are not your people.

This is not necessarily a call to action so that you can go and boot out every person in your life who disagrees with you or maybe doesn’t quite get the dreams you put out there in to the world. It doesn’t mean you have to kick people out of your life. It doesn’t mean that they are toxic. Let’s get honest with ourselves. Sometimes, we are the toxic ones.

It does, however, mean we should take some personal inventory on what we are allowing in our lives and what kind of messages we are clinging to as truths when they aren’t really the truth at all.

My favorite phrase is personal responsibility. People don’t like hearing about personal responsibility because it means we have to take our spotlights off of what other people may have done to us, and place it on ourselves in order to own the roles we play in our lives.

So, in order for you to stop living small and begin dreaming bigger and truly living free, take some of these action steps. They have certainly helped me in recently, and my hope is that they help you as well!

  1. Own your part. To help you out a bit here, when I knew my marriage was over, I knew I couldn’t just blame my ex for everything that went wrong. That doesn’t mean he is excused from what he did and didn’t do. There where things that happened that I just could no longer accept as okay or acceptable in our marriage and I made the decisions I made. However, the breakdown of our marriage started many years ago before our divorce. I had to write out our issues. What went wrong. Acknowledge my own mistakes and what I did and didn’t do. Forgive myself and begin the world of moving forward. Owning your part is hard. It is much easier to blame. But I refuse to live a life as if I am just a victim all the time. The blame game was not going to get me anywhere. So I chose differently.

  2. Find your people/community. I didn’t step foot into a church building for almost 7 months because it was so hard to walk in without seeing someone who knew me and him. We were in vocational ministry for years. We knew a lot of people. God, in His wisdom and mercy, moved my heart to seek out friendship and start telling my story. This didn’t happen overnight, and I was very careful and cautious as to who I told. Not everyone needs to know what is going on. Even if they ask. No one is entitled to you. No. One. If I can encourage you to please find and befriend someone. Allow them in and let them see the real you. And be okay with the possibility that they may not like you. Good. It is called weeding them out. You are not for everybody.

  3. Write out what you really want. It is really easy to write out what we don’t want. Get real specific about what it is you do want. Then, pray every day. I wanted a home for myself and the kids. One that I alone would pay for. Prayed for a long time. I was very specific. I wrote out about the kind of relationship I wanted and the type of man I wanted him to be. I was very specific. I have Written out my career goals and the income I want to make by the end of this year into the next year. I was very specific. And I am praying a lot while moving into action. I know what I want. I know who I am and Whose I am. When you do this, don’t think small. Think big. Think audaciously.

In fact, fill in the blank: “Wouldn’t it be crazy cool if _________________?”

What would that crazy cool thing be for YOU?

Finally, remove any messaging or voices that simply don’t fit. Those words, lies, beliefs that you allowed to take root in your mind and heart? Decide to let them go. If they make you continuously feel small or less than, or invaluable or like a failure or that you don’t measure up……if they make you feel like all of the above?

Throw them in the fire. No more living small for you. No more allowing other people’s opinions about you force you where you don’t belong. Start living as the free woman you are.

Because you are free.

Tiffany Rhea

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