This week has not been so great.
Quite frankly, I have been extra emotional and tired and stressed. Work has picked up quite a bit. My kids began their first week of school. I am homeschooling my son while my daughter will maintain remote/traditional learning. I am trying to balance friendships, new roles that I have accepted, feeding my family, maintaining my sanity and I am pretty sure I ruined something that could have been really good, but I was impulsive (and angry...if I am being honest) and instead of asking more questions, I just said my thoughts to this person without really considering them. Ay! Honestly, it was a conversation that needed to happen, but I don't think my tone helped matters.
I need a nap. And a lot of prayer and Jesus and maybe extra doses of coffee.
All of this stress and disappointment was enough to completely derail my week. I couldn't focus. I experienced sleepless nights (I need my sleep...this was not good). Not to mention that my heart and head have been completely bombarded with all of the trash that is in media today. It literally feels like the world is ending, at least, that is what the news tells me.
How do you keep going when you feel so upended? When life's disappointments get in the way and you find yourself at the mercy of every emotion that threatens to spill out at a moments notice?
I don't really have any good advice for you, except maybe to share what I have been doing.
I messaged a couple of friends. They know my heart. They know me the best. They get me. I needed to get things off my chest and their encouragement toward me helped, even if I am still upset from what transpired previously. Grab your people.
I have been writing every single thing in my journals lately. They probably will sound like desperate pleas and gibberish should anyone every read them (I hope not!) but I needed to get out everything I was and still am feeling. Your words are your words and your emotions are your emotions. Let them out.
I ran. A lot. I plugged in my headphones and pounded the pavement. Listening to music always helps me, and moving my body always releases the tension. Move your body and listen to something that lifts your soul.
Pray. A lot. I mean, seriously. Get on your knees and get real honest with God about all of this. I think I talked to God constantly about what I wanted. What my dreams are. Why I am upset. What can I do better. Repentance. Hope. Pray real hard friends.
When I think of each of us running this race and living this life, and the obstacles many of us will face, the disappointments and pain we may endure, it can be so easy for us to get derailed. I know what God has called me to do, and this week was a test to how I would push through even with all that was thrown at me. I was reminded that I have been through massive storms and disappointments before. God made me a pretty resilient woman. There is no way I am allowing hurt, disappointment and stress keep me from what He has called me to.
One of my favorite verses is found in Isaiah 43:19
"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."
I don't know what it is that you are going through. Whatever hurts your heart or has knocked you off your feet momentarily. I do believe God is doing a new thing. I do believe God is doing something incredible. Oh, I guarantee it is hard to see right now. I am not fully seeing the picture right now either. But, after all I have been through and what God has done through all of that pain.....I can say with utmost certainty that God is doing something.
Keep moving forward, friends.