I recently had a moment where a memory was recalled and the events that played out were very different than what I had actually remembered.
This is why I believe in writing things down.
I really got it wrong. Like, horribly wrong. So wrong where I felt emotionally crushed because the story I was telling, even if some of it was in jest, was not the correct story. And it hurt someone I cared about. Reading back through the actual events and conversations, the elation and relieve that showed through his face and expressions made me realize he had carried an incredible amount of weight from a story he believed was true only to discover everything was much different than our memories recalled.
All we had to do was take the time to go back. Not really sure why we hadn’t.
I don’t cry very often. I am emotional. I am sensitive. But it takes me a lot to express my emotions through tears. That moment was it for me. Seeing his face, and me realizing some truths about myself and where I was emotionally at that particular time was humbling, to say the least. I hate hurting people. I hate even the idea that I could possibly have played a part in anyone’s pain.
I said a lot of “I’m sorry’s” that afternoon.
Here is what I gained, though.
All we had to do was go back and read what had actually happened. I didn’t have all of that information. He did. He never deleted our conversations from a year prior. So going through those initial connections together forced both of us to face realities that we didn’t know before.
Now, we knew.
Now, armed with new information, we could rewrite the story that had been told. The real one.
Honestly, the new one, the correct one, is much better.
I was really upset that day, and I am still a little disappointed in myself. Forgiving myself and giving myself some grace for that time will be a challenge, no doubt. However, God used that memory recall to teach me and show just how far I had come from that time.
I wasn’t ready for a lot. I didn’t really know what I wanted. I for sure knew what I didn’t want. And if you were to ask me back then, I would have simply told you that I didn’t want anyone like my ex. Harsh? Maybe, but absolutely true.
So I went through the motions. Connected with people. Most of them great individuals. Good men. Great company. Hard working. Only one crazy. Ha! But they were simply people I was supposed to meet for a brief moment. They helped my heart heal and really begin to grasp what it was that I absolutely wanted in this life now that I was out doing it in my own.
Recalling isn’t bad.
Recalling can mean healing and a fresh opportunity.
Recalling also meant, for me, a chance to see how far I have come over the last 3 years as a woman, mother, writer. It meant starting to see God’s hand in everything that I had questioned back then.
It solidified how truly, His timing was ultimately perfect. How good He ultimately is and always will be. What a gift it truly was that the person I care so deeply for and I didn’t meet back then.
Because we were supposed to connect back in December of 2020, not until June, July, or August of 2020. That’s the story.
Recalling can be jarring and can be painful, and it can be beautiful and restorative. Reading back through some of my journal entries back then, even, showed me just how much can change in a short amount of time.
Isn’t that beautiful? Isn’t that amazing and just like our God?
Ready to now Retell this new story, because it is a much better one.