I am not talking about relationships either, although I am certain that there are a few of you who are probably evaluating some things right now.
That will be a discussion for another time.
No, I am talking about breaking up with whatever you have been holding onto lately in your heart and in your mind. The same old schtick you keep on repeat. Your own toxic behaviors and words and storylines you keep repeating when they constantly prove over and over again that they break your heart and they fail you. They do nothing for you. There is no benefit. Just shame.
Yet, we hold on to it.
In a weird way, there is some level of comfort to clinging on the old things. It reminds me of those who hold on to old items in their homes. Hoarders willingly sit amongst filth and trash because they have an emotional attachment to the things in their home. It isn’t even about the items. It goes much deeper than that, as we all know. It doesn’t help them. The trash does nothing for them. They sleep surrounded by memories of hurt and pain and the belief that if they hold on to it, they can control whatever is threatening to bubble to the surface.
We are often mental hoarders of our hangups.
Whatever our past was, whatever trauma we may have experienced, whatever painful memory or lie or disappointment, we hold on to them. We hold onto that painful part of the story. We retell it over and over again. We make assumptions. We project all of our issues and triggers onto others, because we have now developed a belief system thanks to our experiences. We know that doing this does not help us heal. We know that it does not allow us to move forward.
It affects our relationships with those we love. It actually keeps us from forming healthy relationships.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
You holding onto your hurt and pain and retelling the same story over and over again is not you controlling the narrative……your pain and trauma is controlling you. If nothing is improving because of what you are holding on to, you have no one to blame but yourself. You must take personal responsibility for this. You cannot own another’s sin……but you have to be able to own the fact that you keep allowing their actions to live rent free in your brain and hold you hostage.
This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t talk about our hurt. I am a huge believer in therapy and talking through whatever it is we have gone through. Each of us have had moments in our lives that have shaped us and impacted us. Talk about it. Deal it with. Don’t hide it and don’t allow it to shame you. Shame has no place here.
But, it is time to breakup with the bs narrative and start moving in a forward direction.
Break up with your assumptions based on your past history.
Break up with the lies that you believe about yourself.
Breakup with activities and narratives and ruthlessly unfollow those on social media who only seem to trigger negative behaviors and your hang ups.
Breakup with the victim mentality. You won’t be able to truly move forward. Constantly playing the victim is exhausting and does not allow for freedom. That doesn’t negate the hurt. But stop playing victim.
Breakup with grudge holding and assumptions that all men or all women or all people are like that ONE person that hurt you. This isn’t true, and you know it. It is projection. I say this with all the love I have in my heart: knock it off. You are actually robbing yourself of discovering something beautiful.
Breakup with the fear that what you experienced in the past will happen again. Talking to myself here, as well. You are only hurting yourself. Again, stop that.
Instead, let’s reprogram and rewire the thinking in our heads. Let’s really heal. Let’s really move forward. Let’s really let go of things that keep us in chains. Why are we so fixated on being mental hoarders of our pain, as if that will help us.
It won’t. It doesn’t.
Time to break up.