I can’t really explain why this photo is so important to the title of post, but allow me to say that very serious and much needed conversation happened there.
What would happen if all of your hypotheticals came true? What would happen if that relationship, that dream, that hope, that great love you have been envisioning, or every hypothetical you had thought of....what if they became a reality?
What if they came true?
I have been so intent on protecting myself from the possibility of pain and rejection that I limit myself. I refuse to get excited about something. I refuse to hope.
When we have experienced rejection and heartache at the hands of others, the walls around our hearts are hard to break through.
I was 22 years old when I met who I thought I would spend forever with. I am now nearing my 40th birthday in August, divorced and a single mother to two of the most beautiful beings I have the pleasure of raising.
Marrying their dad was not a mistake. Without him, my children would not exist. And they are supposed to. God had planned that they would, so I am grateful.
But, I am hopeful to have another love. To fall in love with someone else and build a life with them. The independent woman in me struggles with being honest about that. Sometimes, the idea of loving someone so much feels weak and foolish to those who pride themselves on being strong. I don’t want to experience the type of heart wrenching pain I experienced three years ago.
However, I have learned a great deal about what I want, should God bless me with someone to love. The hard part would be for me not to run away and retreat to my safe space should I fall in love again.
What a crazy concept. To even be at the place I am at.
It feels strange to even want to love again after what I have been through. It would be much easier to just do life alone, without a partner. I certainly don’t need one to make me happy or to accomplish my dreams and goals or to raise my children. The last few years have certainly proved that.
I am currently playing out a new story that is both exciting and frightening at the same time. A story filled with incredible hope, but with a lot of question marks. A story where there are a lot of background and rubble to wage through and unpack, while at the same time not clinging to bitterness or the triggers of our past.
But I am excited by this story, as much as I am afraid of it. I know what I am worth. Hypothetically speaking is the phrase that is used quite often so that we don’t get our hopes up. But I want my hopes up. I want to have something to look forward to. I still believe that love is ultimately worth it. It didn’t work out so well for me the first time, but that is okay. I don’t want to stay bitter. I won’t stay angry. I will be open while using discernment and remember that some protection of your heart is a good thing.
But, I am enjoying this story. I hope I get to share more of it with everyone. So far, it is a really good one...speaking hypothetically ;).