I should be freaking out at this point, but I am not. I don't believe I will have a job to go back to when all of this is over. I can't explain it. I can't understand why I am not freaking out, as I am one who would prefer to be in control of my career and my financial future....but there is no freaking out being done by me.
Perhaps one may argue that I am naive or that I am not seeing things clearly and therefore, that is why I am not freaking out. The logical, fact based thinking people in my life have reasonably argued that I should be highly concerned and I need to get a plan in place, because I have bills to pay and kids to pay for. And of course, logically, they are correct. And I absolutely will do what is necessary in order to work and earn an income in order to pay my bills and put food on the table and clothes on my children. I am naturally just one of those people who do what needs to be done. I just do. That is my natural bent.
But God. I can't explain the peace I have about it, except to say that it is all God. Remember when I had shared awhile back that I was praying about having more time at home to spend with my kids, to maybe even home educate one of them, and even do more of the things I desired to do, like writing, reading, studying. Here we are. Here I am. In a very weird way, this has been an answer to my prayers. I have found my sweet, happy spot.
Being up here in this space and being able to write and communicate all of my thoughts and emotions, and even what I am learning with everyone has made me immensely happy. It brings me incredible joy to be able to use this time of self-distancing in order to cuddle with my kids more, watch more movies together, read more books together, educate my children on the world around us, and write more. I have found more messages buried in my heart and head to share with you, thanks to being told to be still.
How is that for an answer to prayer. When we pray for more time, more stillness, more of the necessary and the familiar and even more of the things we took as mundane and boring, we find that they were really the more important things. They were the necessary things. We took them for granted because we had distractions and obligations. Even those obligations that are for our good (like work!) it can keep us from participating and doing the things that we feel called to do. Most of us are not at jobs that also equal our calling. I know the majority of us have jobs that simply provide us with the ability to pay our bills and feed mouths. And that is okay. Our vocation does not need to equal our ministry.
So, yes. I have found my happy spot. My rhythm during a not so conventional season for me and my family. I get up in the mornings, prepare my iced coffee, head upstairs to the tech loft to read my Bible from the reading plan, my devotional, and spend time writing in my journal. Preparing my heart for the day. Making sure that each day, portions of His word makes its way into my head and my heart.
Then, I workout. Sean and Madi are generally waking up around this time (it is about 9-10 depending on what they have to do...the days are slower now.)
Sean typically has Zoom class at 10 with this teachers and classmates. I get ready for the day. Fun fact: I get dressed every day. I put on jeans AKA hard pants. Ask my sister. It is true. I don't always do a full face of makeup or curl/flat iron my hair, but I get ready for the day.
Then, I work. This will include writing on the blog. Studying. Training/personal development. Help for Sean and/or Madi for school work. Recording teaching videos for IGTV, following up with my customers for my upcoming virtual fitness community. Reading, reading and more reading. Checking in with friends and family.
Most of these activities haven't made me any money, with the exception of my fitness business with Team Beachbody.
Yet, I am enjoying it. I am embracing this season where for now I am getting to do the things that I am good at, that I enjoy, and that this crisis has brought me home so that I can do it. I have more time for these things. It may or may not be like this forever. At some point, I will have to go back to work outside the home unless my virtual business is able to replace that income from my full time job. But that takes some time and a lot of effort and perseverance.
I don't have fear or panic right now, though. Are you there? How is your heart? Are you stressed by so many thoughts and fears right now? Are you fearful as to whether you will be able to provide for your family or even for yourself? I get it. I totally do. I have lived in that state of panic and fear. It is exhausting and joyless. To be brutally honest, all of my worrying and stressing and control-freakish ways did nothing to help the situation or make it better.
I think it made it all worse.
Peace is God given. He comforts our hearts and anxious minds in ways the world just cannot. No amount of money or even job security will give you peace. It might provide more freedom in terms of what you will be able to do or enjoy or even purchase. But it cannot bring lasting joy or peace that comforts and soothes.
I want to encourage you to find a rhythm. (Speaking of Rhythm..go grab the book Rhythms of Renewal by Rebekah Lyons. Our small group will begin this study this week and what perfect timing!) Find your happy spot. Get up before everyone else, or stay up a little after everyone else...and soak. Read, study, write and give your soul something good. I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how God will honor your obedience to open the Word and spend the moments with Him. If you are asking yourself the question of how your heart is doing, and you are finding that you feel troubled, go seek Living Water. Quickly.
As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
Psalm 42:1-2 ESV
Praying for you today,